FIRE

There is a flame burning softly in the night
It was alight before this I came
and may burn long after this body
has departed and gone
It has raged into a bonfire as I have thrown more fodder on
to fuel that fire
It has been a fluttering sputtering bit of a wick at times
Almost cast out by the storms raging by-
Winds I say I do not have control over
Weathers I claim to not know by name
Though I find with careful perception
That the storms were called by this I
And the winds were blown by this I
And the weather has always been
Just another resonance
Of this I
And I
Hold vigil close by
Sitting softly, sitting erect, sitting and watching
Keeping sacred this tending of the flame
The sacred ritual for which there is not a name
The flame with the same no name but being a light that cannot go out
Until the final work is done
Like a bearer of sacred harmonies in the mysteries of the I
Like a singer of sacred songs in the choruses of the divine
Sometimes it is my turn to sing
And the flame burns strong within
And I step forward and belt out my line
With such confidence as if I’ve always known, because I have
And always been ready, because there was nothing else to do
All the time close by with the practice that this is not too difficult a feat
If you just bend to it
And sing with it
Other times it has been a little looser
And we jam on a chord, swing about an octave
Like making love with the light of the sun
Under the reflection of the moon
Reveling in life and form and change
Talking about marriage of the earth and the heavens
The open high wide sky and the mighty oceans
And it is on fire
Dancing with freedom
This dance of awakening
Understanding
This is the same flame as the sun
This is the flame of the almighty heavens
This is the center of the mother earth
And the flame burns brightly
And rages not out of control
But like a controlled burn
No matter how high
We are still tame
No matter how wild
We are still innocent as a child
Dancing in the rain
Standing close by
Hands held in prayer
Arms open wide to the possibilities
May this fire be alive with conciousness
And very real calm abiding
May it light the fires in all souls
That they may realize the effulgence of the one
The happiness that springs up from within
And this flame- it sings it’s own song-
It knows it’s own name
Drawing upon ancient divinities as present as the dew
And as light as the rain
Sweet as the sun
And pale as the moon
Child you are foremost in my mind
May you be all right
I once laughed about the fleeting thoughts and illusions
And yet clung to them just the same
They were not fleeting but they were what I had to live by
And when it would come down to this:
This flame- the brief moments I would meet you
I would call to you again and again
To come back and be eternal
And then I found that you were always there
Always with me
And always present
And that you were the center of me
And still are
And never leave
I only try to cover you and throw more fuel on you and you sputter
This is not fuel, you seem to say, if you spoke in a language
That was possible to write,
This is disharmony
And dis-ease
You do not want to burn these things
Yet I throw it on anyway
It gets out of control
Where’d this come from
And this
And this
What is this
Why are we here
What are we doing now
I have never loved ever before
I have always lost
I have never known freedom
Or security
Only change
I find I have no control
Like a reckless wind
Over a forest fire
I ask you to flare up again
I throw myself into the fire and run out
Screaming names I never thought I knew
Or had it in me to call out
I am burning alive, I cry, save me
And I huddle in the corner
Cold, tired, worn
And cry
And scream out to you-
Fucking fires why do you burn me so heedlessly-
Why do you torture me so
And I find, again and again,
It is I who went to you for salvation,
It is I who beseeched you for teaching,
It is I who has always been the fire tender of this flame
I throw myself again into your blaze and relish the burning away
And revel in it
Burn it all, we say, burn it all
This dance
It strips me raw
And I see again and again
What has always been there for me to see:
That this I is not I
But just a confluence of feelings
This I can be changed
Remade
Offered up
Again and again and again
I will be here forever if I have to
I will be here with you for as long as you want to burn
And for as long as there is fuel for your flame
And when there is naught but a spark
Even then- there you are
In your purest form
A seed of life
Seeking ground to rest upon
To grow into the tree of life you are
To bear fruit that others may know your rapture
You will grow, you will bear fruit, you will decay and die
This is the inevitable cycle of life
Oh, bodhisattva tree
Returning again and again for us passerby
To be nourished by your sweet fruit
That we might be nourished and settle down once and for all
In the calmness of sanity
And the loveliness of life
We rest under your branches
We sing songs with the songs that play
Upon your leaves, gentle as the breeze
We take refuge under you during storms
And in the coolness of your shade
When the day is so hot
And we are so tired
We take refuge in your grace
It is simple here
Then we go out again
Into life
Into love
Into the heat of the noonday sun
And go to it again
Burn ourselves away
Throw ourselves into the fire
Let it go let it go let it go
Our patterns and hang-ups and frustrations and cravings
This dance takes the form of our work
Of our toil
Of our practices and our tears- our offering ups of all we hold dear
The most precious contents of these bodies
All that is the I
And in the heat of that fire
In the pressures of those flames
The darkened coals
Are transformed into diamonds
And the diamonds are held aloft
And shine
Shine shine
In the glory of your sun
In the sweet reflection of forever infinite love
Sweetness is where we find it
And those who search are answered with riddles
And the riddles lead back to the diamond
Again and again and again
We have given ourselves lives
That play out like one long koan
Asking ourselves again and again and again
Again again and again
Where’d you go wrong?
What’s going on here?
Who’s playing for whom?
Who’s eradicating whom?
Who’s out to get whom?
What’s in it for me?
It is all an offering
It is all for love
I look at myself honestly
And admit that I have craved
And admit that I have lied
Admit that I have feared
Admit that I have tried not to die
Admit that I held back
Admit that I grasped
Admit that I held others in front of me
That I would not be burned
But the fire was always only for me
And the grasping was only for me
This conciousness tricks and deceives it is true
And it has happened again and again
Yes this path runs deep
Deeper than I could ever have imagined
And always
Always
It bring me home
And like a master sculptor, always refining the work
Or a miner digging through the mud
The pure form is found
And gold discovered in the form of light
At the end of the tunnel
And the illusions exposed and the path understood
And the lightness of being that was lost
Is again revealed
How long will it go on like this? How long will it last?
The little flame which burns within
Which is so gracefully grand
Just dances and dances
And says:
As long as you want, my friend.

And then it goes out

Left in the dark
Fears could come up
A dragon could jump out of the dark
Nothing to reflect upon
Either reaching out to grasp onto something
Which will relate back to what was what was believed to be I
Or letting it go
That there is no such thing as a center point of light
And there is no such thing as an eternal flame
There is no such thing
As me
All the people I loved and wanted to dissolve into
Gone
All the paintings I painted, the pictures so grand
Gone
All the stories I told
Like they were epics or tragedies or ariatic gold
No one to hear them now
All the things I wanted
The money I could have made
The temples I tried to create
The space I tried to save
The deals I was just in the moment going to make
Over done kaput lights out
See ya my love
You’re on your own now
This is not a test
This might be it for the rest of eternity
What do you think?

Dissolving

No one last look
No one last chance
Make a wish like it’s your last wish ever
All beings are enlightened
And all beings are divine
And there is nothing we need to do
And nothing we need to create
And nothing we need to destroy
All is the eternal om
The vibration which arises in all being
Creating form out of the formless void
And being the formlessness
Love infinite